Amidst this turbulent time, we would like to take a moment to recognize important causes that may receive less attention than warranted. At LewerMark, one such cause that we’re very passionate about occurs each April: Sexual Assault Awareness Month.
There’s a scary truth that we must confront about life on college campuses. One report states 11% of all students will experience sexual assault on campus. Statistics show that while 1 in 5 female students will experience sexual assault on campus, male students are 78% more likely to experience sexual assault while in college versus at other times in their lives. Awareness of sexual assault is increasing, and colleges and universities are increasingly promoting healthy relationships and campus safety through sexual misconduct prevention training.
While campus-wide training is a must, many of these programs do not consider the unique needs, cultures, and religious beliefs of international students. American relationship etiquette that we take for granted will be completely foreign to some students, and many will require greater context and plainer language to grasp the lessons. It is vital we don’t ignore these needs—international students are at an increased risk for experiencing sexual misconduct due to their perceived vulnerability.
So, even while international students may participate in campus-wide sexual misconduct prevention training, we encourage you to share the following resources with them, which are in plain, easy-to-understand language:
International students may have incredibly different expectations for relationships than Americans. This doesn’t mean that an international student’s expectations are automatically bad or wrong, but it does means that they may have to adjust their behavior to be safe while in the U.S. Let’s start by defining what a healthy relationship is in American culture. A healthy relationship should have mutual respect, trust, honesty, support, fairness, and good communication.
If you are in a healthy relationship, the following statements will be true:
If some of those statements are not true, it exposes an unhealthy relationship. All relationships require ongoing effort and compassion for your partner; however, even if only a couple of the statements above are not true, there are unhealthy issues that need to be addressed.
Now that we have properly defined a healthy relationship, we can do a ‘relationship test’ to know if it is healthy or not. If a relationship is unhealthy, one or both partners’ actions may be illegal in the U.S. There are many ways a person can cause illegal harm to their partner, whether physically, mentally, or emotionally. For the purposes of this blog, we are specifically focusing on illegal sexual harm:
The key word in our definitions is consent. Understanding consent is simple. It means that you have a person’s permission before and during a sexual act. It is extremely important to understand that consent can be revoked at any time during sexual interaction. There should be clear and ongoing communication between sexual partners. If either party does not consent, or give their verbal permission, then the sexual act is illegal. If consent has been given initially but is then revoked by one person during sex and the partner does not stop, then the sexual act becomes illegal. This includes the following conditions:
The act of saying “no,” and even the right to say “no,” may be a new concept for international students. First, make sure to understand that you have the right to say “no” to anyone at any time for any reason if that person acts or behaves towards you in a way that makes you uncomfortable or asks you to perform a sexual act you do not want to do.
If you are not sure how to say “No,” there are three different yet effective approaches you can use:
Even if you do not say “no” out loud, there are many non-verbal ways to communicate consent is not given, including silence, crying, and body language like squirming, turning away, stiffness, and shaking.
If you see someone who is uncomfortable because of how someone else is acting or behaving toward them, it is ok to want to help them but not to be sure exactly what you should do. Consider helping in one of three ways:
Role-playing specific scenarios can help improve your comfort and ability to react as a bystander (for example, what to do if you see something in a dorm, at a house party, at a bar, on campus late at night in a common area, etc.)
Healthy, safe relationships are for everyone, including you! Some unhealthy relationship issues, including sexual misconduct and assault, are illegal in the U.S. Physical, verbal and emotional abuse of a partner in a relationship are also illegal in the U.S. As a group at increased risk of experiencing sexual misconduct and assault, international students should be educated about cultural norms in the U.S., their individual rights, and how to react in uncomfortable situations.
If you would like additional resources, please reach out to LewerMark. We would love to share learning material for both students and advisors.
